Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Internet, Mankind, Evolution

Darwin would have a great laugh seeing mankind in a thousand years, I'm sure that we will evolve very differently from what we are given the way we use Internet, we will evolve into things with huge eyes(staring at the monitor all day long what else do you expect), small legs(rarely we use them just to get a snack) and one long hand (well this is might not happen with evolution of  track-pads in laptops but then the fingers should grow longer)

God has evolved into Google,  I should say Google is God now! For the most questions we ask is not to God but to Google. Well these are not just simple questions like 'Where is Osama?', these are questions like
The fact that Google has grown to be good enough to answer who god is , where he is says who is the boss.

With the Internet am sure that we have evolved into beings with huger asses, munching junk all day long browsing through the web. And watch out as its only going to get bigger

Travel will evolve into nothing, there will come a time when the Internet and Computers will be good enough to us to go see every part of the world without moving an inch. Now I know that there are things like Google maps, but what if you can send an all flying swimming robot and get feedback from it? You can explore the whole world just sitting in from of you comp!

Farmers and fishermen will go online? I wonder when I see farmville, fishville and stuff like that on Facebook, whether computers will evolve into good enough machines where we can purchase seeds via Web and play games like farmville and get real food! I really wondered about this when my friend said 'Oh its 5:40 I gotta go sow some seeds and feed my cattles', at first I was like wtf? then I knew what it was.

The brain will turn futile, its work is to just give one instruction to every question - ' Go to Google search -> type the question '.Lets see the trend to prove that people are asking goofy questions to Google these days, first of lets study how the Internet reacts to current trend questions and old ones
Now as this proves, Google returns search results to the current trend of queries quicker much like our brain, now lets see this
Obviousness. Now this brings a huge question to the table

Monday, November 22, 2010

why I hate my best friend's girlfriend

You think - You think you are beautiful, you think you are intelligent, you think you are sensible, oh you are so wrong.

Insecure - You are so insecure that he is having a better time with me and you want him to be with you all the time, you want him to say you are the most interesting person he has ever met and you force him saying that in your own evil ways.

Whine - Even the little time he gets to meet me, you make sure to disturb him with your texts, when he forgets to text you, you whine over it and make him sad. Oh wait did you know that now he sets a reminder to check your texts and replies to them.

Drunk - You either make him angry or make him sad every time, I'm the one who gets drunk with him and I get hear a whole shit load of things you did.

Pink - All the pink flowered shirts you buy him, I know he hates them so bad that he wanna yak.

Fight - I gotta fight some tasteless guy who is interested in you when he is not around, but you know how I deal with that? I just tell them two lines about you and they would run away.

Shut - You wanna know about everything we talk when you are around which pretty much shuts us off from talking anything you don't know as we end up giving you lectures about what we talk. But when we talk about things you know, you make lame points which bores us to death. Now you know why we never talk when you are around.

Fuck - But Fuck I hate myself because its through me that he got to know you and now his life is a total mess. The last time you got drunk, you were all over me and now our friendship is messed up too.Bitch.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Why work sucks

That chick at the water cooler - You try to change the ever frowning face of your boss by cracking an adult joke over the chick at the water cooler but she ends up being his daughter.

The scapegoat - A scapegoat whom you and your seniors taunt all day long leaves the company and you realize that you are next in the line.

Business meetings - The business meetings that you never understand anything but you still hold yourself from sleeping and get that fake smile and head nod on.

The fart - Your boss is making a presentation, the entire hall is silent and he farts, you wanna laugh so bad but you cant.

One more please - You have always wanted to have a coffee with that girl, you find her alone, call her for a coffee, some how from some where as if the entire office were hiding and waiting for an opportunity a huge group joins you and you end up being the coffee server.

Gandhi - You just wanna get a conversation going after the uncomfortable silence creeps in so you talk about war games you love and end up knowing boss in Gandhian.

Fly - Your fly had been open all day but no one tells you, there is no reason and you never understand why no one bothered to tell you, but here is the reason, I learned some days back that telling someone 'your fly is open' is considered to be rude, the world is a funny place as they say.

Your girlfriend joins your company - Oh damn, now thats gotta hurt. You can't have the funny chats with your friends at the water-cooler, you can't flirt around with that beautiful chick and your girlfriend is gonna make sure that every one knows that you ain't single anymore.

Last resort - Now that things suck so much, you think about shifting to another company, you go attend an  interview and just when you were thinking that you saved your ass, you find that you are being interviewed by your boss's wife.

'P.S Feel free to try them and share your experiences'

Thursday, November 18, 2010

What you can do in a bus

Walkman - Put on your walkman, sing like there's no-one around, sing your heart out, sing till their ears blast out, sing like you rule the world.
Clean - Now you are the cleanest thing on earth and you are gonna pretend like you will be dead with one bacteria on you. Make a big fuss, let no-one touch you, if someone does scold them, take a tissue paper wipe and throw it away, give them bacteria stats and say how harmful they can be

Invisible friend - Talk to an empty seat, pretend like there is someone next to you, some may have a good laugh at you and some may run miles away

Wake up - Find someone who is sleeping, just wake them up and say its the last stop, the panic can be seen on their face, this is so damn funny

Switch - At each stop, get down, run, get into other entry, keep swapping

Lap service - Now bring on the childish innocent voice, ask someone if you can sit on their lap, ask with a very innocent tone that they should think that you are an overgrown 5 year old 

Liars - You are always going to find people talking over the phone who lie about where they are on the phone, just shout standing next to them like 'The next stopping is..' , lying is not good, it is a punishable offense

Got the flu - Be sad, say loud that you are just back from hospital where you were diagnosed having a dangerous flu that's gonna kill you soon and that it spreads faster than news of a sex scandal

The long route - On a Monday morning, when everyone's in a rush, just drop a bomb saying 'Oh I hate these road blocks, now we gotta take the roundabout way and that's +6kilometers ' 

'P.S Feel free to try them too and share your experiences'

Friday, November 12, 2010

What you can do with your phone

Math skills - say you have 988000 0000, play around with the last 4 digits as beyond that math gets a little difficult, for example add 1000 for the first time, call 988000 1000 and when they ask you why you called them, say how you got to their number ( all the math and people you called on your journey to reach them), this can get interesting as the list grows

Sorry - Call your friend, pretend like you are drunk, tell him that you are sorry that you have been in a secret relationship with this girlfriend, tell him you cant take it anymore and that you will break up with his girlfriend and that he can take her all for himself

Change contacts - A lot of interesting opportunities here, you can store your number in the name of his girlfriend or his professor or his dad . The things you can do here is endless, enjoy

Murderer here - Call your friend, say ' help please help no nooo * scream* ', drop phone, *change voice*(or get your friend working with you on this for the change of voice), ' Who are you * pause*(to make them feel you are looking at the phone) I'm coming for you *hangup* '

Kinder garden topper- Show your kinder garden rhymes skills, sing ' twinkle twinkle .. ' and say for more rhymes send RHYME AT BEDTIME to 100

Tell me what you wanna hear service - As the name says, tell them back anything they tell you 'Hello'*2 , 'Hello'*4 , 'Excuse me' *2 , and all the fun follows, don't lose your modulation though you will have to struggle to control your laughter, believe me its an important that you don't laugh

Busiest man on planet - Call, tell you wanna say something really important, make them curious, pretend like just when you were gonna tell and as you start, you have something important to do and you do it with them on the line, ' Its just that your girlfriend wanted to.. one second let me see who's at the door' , ' so I don't know how to tell you this but.. a minute someone's on my land-line'... kill them with curiosity

TV anchor here - call them say that you are from a TV show, making calls to random numbers,anything you want, any stupid thing you ask them from here, they will enjoy answering it and you get to have your fun

Birthday - You can do this to the best of friends, you can do this when you wanna have some fun in middle of the night, this can be done by two ways, one you call them midnight and disturb their sleep and wish them ' happy birthday....' or you call them and say ' wtf!? its my birthday and I haven't slept waiting for your call you...'

I'm gonna kill myself - Call, tell him that you decided to kill yourself because your friend broke the wrist watch you loved the most and that you are calling everyone on your phone-book just to speak to them for the last time and that he is the last on the list and hang up

'P.S : Please feel free to try them and share your experiences'

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

What you can do in an elevator

Be the host - shake hands with everyone who enters and wish them saying 'hope you enjoy the trip sir' and when they leave say 'hope you had a nice time sir'

Rearrange - re-arrange the floor button stickers, so floors 1-10 would change to 10-1, the funny consequences will follow, do stay back in the lift and enjoy it to the fullest

In out in out.. - a crowded lift opens, see floor number display out, get in, see floor number display inside, scratch head, get out,see floor number display outside,scratch head,get in, see floor number display inside, scratch head, get outside...until someone smacks your head off

Push twice - on a crowded elevator, push your floor button twice and says 'it works only if you push it twice from the morning! what nonsense'

Lift announcer - ding ding ding, ladies and gentlemen the doors are opening, floor number 8, cisco inautix people and get off, have a nice day , ladies and gentlemen the doors are closing

Pretend a shock - with a huge group of people behind you, waiting to press the floor buttons, pretend a shock on pressing a floor button and act like you almost got yourself killed

Sexy time - with only you and a girl on the elevator, when the door opens act like you are adjusting your fly and tuck in your shirt

Terrorist attack - when the lift is crowded, pretend like you get a call, talk with a shock and say 'there is a terrorist attack in the ground floor!!? What the..!? What am I supposed to do!?'

I'm dead - pretend like you are dead, facing the walls of the lift, lie dead

Service charge please - get a friend of your to work on this with you, sit on a chair inside the elevator with a notebook and a pen, when a person enters you say 'Service charge 5 bucks please' and your friend who pretends like paying you the money says 'that's really cheaper than a bus trip'

'P.S : Please feel free to try them and share your experiences'